Hello there! For those of you who haven’t met me before, my name is Bremer. Yes, I’m a dog – a bitch to be exact. I am also described (by the politically incorrect) as a ‘bitzer’ or a ‘mongrel’. For the record, I don’t like either of those terms. They are both rather distasteful in my opinion. I prefer to describe myself as a cross-breed – the proud daughter of a chance liaison between a boxer and a border collie. While they no doubt enjoyed the occasion, there was no room for me in either of their families, so I ended up a ‘stray’, which is another term I find repugnant. I refer to that part of my life as my nomadic period. Then a few years ago, my luck changed. By chance, I wandered into the Ray household, gulped down my first meal for days, which they served-up on a Royal Dalton dinner plate, promptly scratched-up the fireplace rug and settled in for life. I’ve been successfully managing the family ever since.
Greg Ray, who mistakenly claims to be head of the household is, among other things, the author of the children’s book about dogs, believe it or not. There’s a whole series of them. Why Dogs Don’t Bark at Santa is my favourite, but there are others – Why Dogs Circle to Lie Down, Why Dogs Chase Cats and Why Dogs Bury Bones. Sadly, Greg thinks he knows everything there is to know about dogs. Hmmm! His latest effort is called Why Dogs Sniff Bums. What would he know? How many bums do you think he’s sniffed? The cheek of some people (excuse the pun). Nonetheless it is a pretty funny story.
You can see all his books on my website www.whydogs.com.au
That’s all I’ve got time for today. I can hear Jacinta (she’s the real boss of the place) opening the fridge door. It’s not dinner time, but there could be some valuable fall-up I can vacuum-up.